May..May..May..2009 wasn't just a year for me huh?I was wondering why April was such a good month for me when it hasnt been a good one for me all this while..Come May, the I knew the answer..Wanna know why?Its because May wasnt going to be a good month for me like how good it had been for me all these years.Do I hear myself complaining?Not yet..But now..maybe I will.
Starting off May was ok..Maybe just some grace time given to me before bad things happen.!Ok..But still there isn't anything a cry won't solve for me..Shits happen,you cry about it at nights and then the next day you're ok..Maybe for me only la.But thats how I control myself.
I've got problems I dun go around telling people..There's just too much for me to take these days..2 weeks has past but I am still like this..I am still smiling an empty smile.I am still masking a sad face.I have noone to talk to.I have noone I know will understand my state and feelings.When things like this happen.I prefer to stay quiet and observe what might just happen next eventhough I'm perfectly clear about whats going to happen next.I chose to wait and see and walk away from it afterwards.Thats why it continue to haunt me.But still,I am proud of myself for being abke to not burden people with my own problems.I settle them myself and then send it away together with all the hard feelings.
But what saddens me the most is that shits happens between me and my love ones..How can my May turn out so bad.Its like one person after one person I'm not in good terms with.Everything seems to be wrong somewhere and everywhere.I am the daughter,I am the big sister,I am the friend and I am the gf.Does that tell much?
I've never thought of blowing up over such things I duno what.But sometimes,when the devil push you a little bit further and when the head is full of problems that are unsolved,the wisest thing to do is blow up.I got vulgar and mad,not my normal self.I was anggry,what else can I do.As I've told someone,I am the most patient person you can ever find.My level of patience are not achieved by people of the right mind.I may be patient but being tolerant is not one of my good qualities.The differences?Figure those out urself.
The new week of May is coming.I dun want my beautiful and usual happy May to be ruin just because of the ferst 2 weeks of pain.I've put all those pain behind me and I am gonna give my sweetest smile again.No mask anymore.Just the real NURATIQAH yeap?So,if you want to take advantage of my kindness,do it before May ends ok?
May really means alot to me.Apart from it being my birthday month of which I wouldn't want to talk about.It was just my month to be joyful and glow.But thats just something people won't understand since it sounded so sick and stupid!But its ok..As I've said,I dun need people to understand the way I am or the way I live.But as long as they love me,I'm ok with it.
Thanks to those who have read this far.I dun need sympathy from anyone.And if theres ever a person who come to me and ask if i'm ok after reading this post,I am so gonna punch or slap you in theface no matter if its May or not!If you call yourself my friend then you should know I hate that form of question.
Ok.I want to go and sleep and see the next day come and greet my wake..I want to hear my mums voice asking me to wake up and I want to wake up to see bf's sms on my handphone.And I sure want to wake up to say my prayers about how happy I'm granted another day to live.
Good nite my love ones..May you have all happiness in life..
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