sadness in my face!!

I didnt know why I'm feeling so hurt right now when I know I shouldn't have..

I did it again..My very very bad hobby...Haiz..When am I gonna learn and stop doing all this thing..

I am not sure if this is what I should call paranoid..But dear GOD, Im scared...
I can't stop tears from streaming down..But oh my,I'm scared...

At this very moment now,its not happiness I felt but its a feeling I didn't know how to describe..

I'm scared...scared...Insecure..very insecured...How ????

Should I pick up the phone start off with a message to clear all my doubts.?
Or should I stay dumb and see whats just gonna happen next and bear the pain I've been bearing the past week.?

I dunno...I dunno...

As tears flow down
I stay up and pray
for the strength to go on
for the strength to have trust
for the strength to make this work
for the smiles I potray for everyone
for the smiles I keep to make myself going
for the smiles I have that enlighten people up
I go on for people..
I go on for myself..

I've never thought that this will ever ever happen to me but it did at this moment..i shed tears,I wet my pillow,I ..........

I shalln't go on and bother others about how Im feeling...At ths moment,I'm feeling very very vulnerable..I'm telling you,I am very very vulnerable now...

I love you..And I will always do..