Spouting

My current situation right now is what I hate to feel the most: PAIN!

Haiz.. My head is pounding.. My feet terase2 nak simpul biawak.. Soon I would think.. My legs are as weak as jelly.. My tummy is full of wind..Burp burp.. Doesnt make things any better when I decide to massgae daddy.. More burp burp.. Hey, I'm not complaining alright.

I truly do not know what happened to my body today. ts super uncomfy. And as I blog, panadol is running through my body taking effect.. I truly hope its taking effect coz at this moment, I so need the effect to happen. Coz really.. Feeling like a walking dead is no fun at all.

Mood for today was not that wonderful either.. But ironically, unlike other days, I dun let it take over me.. I smiled to my staffs.. I did my work.. Never with a frown but a smile.. A sincere one at it though seriously, cume Allah je tahu macam mane terok nyer I feel.. I mean my body condition. Cume Allah je tahu brape lemah and tak bermaye I rase.. Syukur Alhamdulillah.. Because when I couldn't describe a feeling or situation into words, I still know that all the unspoken are still understood and heard by Allah.

Though I penat and lemah, I maseh nak blog. I have no idea why the rush to blog. I just feel like I need to blog.. thats the reason for the blog this late at night. And I truly am grateful for having all the right words to describe my feelings, situation or whatsoever. That may be a sign that I should start writing again. Like finally. Please do Tqah.. Its a promise I made to myself. Because I dun want to believe that winning Projek Cerpen was just a mere luck. I know I have what it takes to be a writer. I know I have that talent, Just that I do not have enough exposure and the opportunity to do this.

Before I end today's post, I just wanna say a sudden thank to people who have given me reaosn to smile and live each day.

Thank you Allah for giving me yet another chance to live, see the goodness and badness of what the world has become and most importantly the chance to repent
Thank you mama baba for loving me and equipping me with every moral support and support in every other way so that I grow up to be a very respectable young woman
Thank you to my adek2 for adding spices to my everyday life. Their laughter, their concern and their smiles mean the world to me and having them taught the snese of responsibility
Thank you Suhaimi for being by me day in day out and hearing me rant and complain about almost everything, Letting me see life in a more positive and beautiful way
And lastly, thank you to every single human being whom I have once had fond memories with. My memories of you all have made me who I have become today. Good or bad, I am grateful for lessons learnt.

Good night lovelies.. I am me because of you all.

Life life.

One of the days when you feel that the whole world is against you. Against your belief.. Against your principles and against all action you have took.

As much as it irritates the shit out of someone, without denying, it hurts the hell out of everybody. Anyway.. Who likes being held against?

Well.. This is just random statement I am making here. No hard feelings whatsoever..

So oh well..

Life? Hows life exactly?

Not that fantastic but I am coping.. What other choices do I have right. Gotta live them and find positiveness in everything that happens. Not complaining at all.

Just that when I stop and think about my life, I get really tired keeping up with everything. I am turning 22 this year. Rather, in about 2 months time.. Is this the age where I am all adult and no-nonsense expected of me or this is the age where I learn the true defination of life, make desicions and have a taste of my own judgement?

Things are moving way too fast for me.. Responsibility for myself, responsibility for my own actions, my future.. Whats lies ahead, I have no idea but I believe they will all be what they will become due to my own actions and decisions. That probably explains why I am concentrating so hard on the money-making process and the chance for a degree course soon..

What I want for my future? Lets not talk about what I want and will insyaallah do for my family. What I want for myself? Easy.. An outstanding career with satisfying pay.. A beautiful life with people I already have in mind.. Sounds difficult.. Ya.. But the difficult part is the process..

I guess I have been too hard on myself. Maybe that explains why I have been sick and recovering is sure not an easy process this time.

Haiz.. Maybe I should stop blogging now.. I'm pressing the keys to the keyboard so hard. Bet if it could speak, it would have asked me to stop! Mental note to myself: Breathe at every step tqah

Happy?

Happy?

Alright.. So what does being happy exactly means? Or rather, what was it defined as?
This is what dictionary.com defines happy as:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy
3. Favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky
4. Apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. Obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated

Well, ‘happy’ sure is a vast, mass topic to define. Individually, I guess its up to each one to define what being happy truly mean to them. It can just be a feeling of contentment or maybe just a feeling of extremely excitedment. I don’t know.

Ask me what being happy means? Hmm. Maybe being happy to me means when I am able to smile my sweetest and laugh my most sincere. And though it sounds much easier to be doing such, it actually isn’t. Being happy IS EASY. But to be sincerely happy? I dun really think the job is very much easy. What’s with the following factors: work, peers, problems after problems and a few others.

But truthfully, being happy does not have a meaning to it if I were to feel it alone. Being happy requires my family and boyfriend to be happy too. And seeng them smile and be happy. That’s my true definition of being my most HAPPIEST!