2013

Today is 31st December 2012 and it marks the last day of the year. 2012 has passed by so fast I am afraid I could not catch up.

Lets just sit and reminisce all the wondeful things I have gained to accomplish this year:

I have learned to bake. Cakes, muffins, cookies. I didn't know I have such big passion for baking. Though sometimes my end product don't turn out that fantastic( of which it is very rare), I am truly happy and proud of myself for being able to make something edible out of butter, sugar and flour. Getting the Delice Oven and Bosch Mixer was a huge investment but its definitely worth it.

I finally got enrolled into school. I am a happy girl and I hope everything will be smooth sailing in studies. I have my target and I really want to achieve it.

Finally, I have picked up the courage to teach tuition. My teaching was not that fantastic but I am happy to learn that the kids enjoy the lesson and they are happy to continue with me. I have promised to bring only the best for them and will definitely continue to do so for as long as I teach.

I cannot thing of anything much that I have achieved throughout the year but I believe it is one that I will ahve fond memories off.

2013 is starting tomorrow and also, the start of my busy period in the month of January.

I have resolutions of which is always much the same every year but lets just list down a few.

* I want to be a better person for my family, boyfriend and friends
* I need to study hard and achieve good scores for my degree
* Be fine to changes because I really need to adapt well to it.

Those are a few I could think of.

Right now everyone. Lets get ready to close the books for 2012 and open a fresh new journal for 2013.

I am definitely going to embrace the last day of 2012 and welcome the 2013 with much excitement. A new year means a new beginning.

I am truly grateful for all the faces who have been with me fom the very start. I love everyone and I love everyone greatly.

Loves:)

Weddings

Hey. Hie.. Ho..

Was on leave on Friday and 3 days of off was fun.. Haha.. Not working.. Who would complain. So well, a few things happened during the weekend. Will elaborate more:

Did nothing on Friday. Basically, we went out to Northpoint. Brought the twinnies out and most of the time, just sitting at home.

Saturday was out to Shikin's engagement. Such a beau she is.. She looks happy. Looks excited but also nervous. Well, I am happy for her. In Shaa Allah everything will be fine towards the day of their wedding. Perkare baik tak patut dilambat2 kan. So yeap, went to venue with two handsome guys.. Hahha.. My npcc friends. We kinda got abit lost but we found the place with noones help. YAY!! Reached and saw the familiar faces of my npcc friends. We laugh, we had fun. I had fun. Tremendous loads of it.  I miss being around them. Talking and joking but unfortunately because I have to leave early, I missed out the other activity they did.

Sunday.. Woke up early to Couz's wedding. Mak oi!!! Penat and ngantok but overall ok. Reached and everything was beginning to be so kecoh.. First time being sebelah lelaki. Got the chance to dgr akad nikah dilafazkan. Got to iring pengantin.. That was much fun. Saw some of my small small couz.. Da besar da semue..:) It was an intinate ceremony for the bride and groom and it made me decide something.. I dun exactly mind where my wedding will be and how much money I would need to spend on it, all I know is that I want it to be the happiest day of my life.

Life is so unpredictable. It changes course every moment. I am only human.. I cannot decide when something will happen. I just hope my plannings will be made smooth to execute. I know with the blessings from my parents, things will be made slightly more easier.

Yeap. I will stop now.. Will continue on a new post about new year later on.. Got to go lovebirds..:)

Dooms-day.. Not!

So well, we are do survive from dooms-day.* wth

Never for a second have I ever thought that would be right. Scientists based on science and observations. They might have the strongest belief but then again, they are not GOD and noone knows better.

So, on 21st Dec, while surfing the net, I saw something. Someone has declared that he has made a mistake about the date of dooms-day. It wasn't 2012. It was suppose to be somewhere in September 2015. So whoopee!! 2 more extra years to live in.. Not. Seriously, if it should happen before 2015, It will happen before 2015. Why is it that people are trying so hard to find when dooms-day is gonna be.

So well.

I am very much happy to announce that I will be starting school somewhere in January, next year. I know life will be much more hectic than it is now but well. If there are other people who are capable of doing it, why not me? I am no much different right?

So, next year will be a year where I would have to juggle between school, work and tuition and maybe finding job for a few while. And am hoping I get lucky with that.

Christmas was great I guess. I mean this Christmas, at work I have gotten the opportunity to plan out the exchange, lunch and party. It was awesome having to do all this cause it has really been quite a long time since I last organized something. This was smaller compared to what I did back then but it was very rewarding and having to see smiles and laughters on everybody's face, now.. Thats SATISFACTION. Syukur.

So, 2013 is coming and what can I say. Happy? 2012 passed by so fast and it is so very sad to say that I cannot think of any achievements I have grasped for this year. Maybe I will do another post for that next time.

I am just hoping that 2013 will be easier and better for me. I hope so.

For now.. Bye Lovelies..

A spinning world

From buangkok to serangoon to tai Seng. All for what? I am über disappointed at what happened..

"Banyak NYer pimple." That's how you greeted your girlfriend?

I cannot stop my sensitivity but at lease put a little effort to understand the dos and donts towards your girlfriend. I made a decision. Though my world is spinning at every single point of the day. I tried to be strong so I can make this trip. At about now, my mood is already killed. I hoped for excitement, happiness but what?

I am upset. But then. Who cares?

Boring boring aje

Current addiction: Demi Lovato's 'Give your heart a break'

Well well.. Life was never predictable. One minute you acn have a smooth standard plan and the next minute, with just a twist of words can make your whole lifeplan jumbled around taking a whole twist of turn.

Obviously what I have been feeling this past week. It seems like my time here is ending quite soon. I am excited for a new challenge, a new set of life but then again, typical of Tqah, she is never that good in adapting to changes. I dun really like something to change after I have grown a bit too attached to the current situation.

But then, sape kite untuk tentukan. Sesungguhnye jalan hidup saye da ditentukan. As for now, I am just following a path that has been created for me. I just hope with support, time and endurance, I can achieve my dreams and In shaa Allah can be a better person for everybody.

Now lets change the topic abit.

Talked to mum about wedding during the weekend. Interesting topic to discuss. The dos and donts. The planning. I sound like I really can't wait to plan my own wedding but then again, I will maybe have to wait for the next 4 to 5 years. Why? Simply because I still too many things to achieve first. Marriage can wait. I think..

I have been thinking about changing my blog skin.. But am a little too lazy to start doing it.. Hehe.. Macam malas aje.. Lets see.. If I can find something for the next hour or so..

Bye sygs..

A long time

Hello Bloggy. It has been quite some time. :)

I haven't been feeling quite well these past few days but trying my very best to ignore the aches and all. Well, I've been busy. Very busy. Never a day past where I won't have much things to do. Always rushing. Always running. Not becoz I did work at the last minute but becoz work is tedious and difficult. Have been spending 2 weeks doing this piece of work. Oh well, shall not complain of the work I have. Namenyer pon work.. :)

I have nothing specific to really talk about today. So I shall just rant or say whatever.

My headaches are not getting any better. But. I've been taking my medicines. Felt the pain today after so long but then was quite ok after I finally let myself call down a lil bit. Think must have rushed myself terribly to feel the sudden pain afte weeks of not having it. :) but I'm fine now. Thanks medicine.  Though I hate you so much. Hehe.

Life is wonderful. I hope so. Family still there. Bf still there. Many black dull paint on the canvas but nonetheless there's still splashes of yellow and pink and red. I'm grateful for life. Alhamdulillah.

Other than that, my social life is something not to be proud of. I dun meet friends. I dun go out much. Who to blame, but myself.. I'm too tired with work and am getting lazier and lazier. Too lazy that my social life gets affected. Change tqah. Change!

So. I'm done ranting. Updating dear Bloggy on my iPhone. Haha. Reaching yishun soon. So. Gtg. Update you soon darling. I love you.

Some thoughts and message

Sometimes we got too used to the people around that we became dependant on them.Me, for an example. I do realized that sometimes I do take my family for granted but sometimes, I give back. I let them take advantage of me. Sometimes I find it unfair and complain sometimes I regard them as responsibility and shut up.


I am loudly declaring that I do not have lots of friends. I have friends here and there but they are friends I see every 6 months, 1 year or maybe never again unless we cross junction again. It kinda other me a little that I do not have that many friends. Really.. All girls needs girlfriends.. They are the one who shape you, can be by you, know you and your companion when no one else can. I know how it feel but that was back in my school days. Come poly, I knew I have many friends but me being me, I tend to shay a bit away from them. I still have that small cave I will come crawling into alone some of the times. Its irritating having to admit them. But like the say, ‘ The first step to handling your problem is to admit them first’. That’s what I am trying to do.

After poly, I was always busy with work. There were family commitments. Ya, I am single and young but that doesn’t mean I dun have commitment. Every family is different. You have your problems, I have mine. I can’t possibly go back and shout to these people who love me saying that they are the reason I am who I am today. Because though I am not the smartest kid in the world, I know how to appreciate people. I hope at the very least.

And so, as I was saying. We often let ourselves became deoendant. Dependent on our love ones. Whether we know it or we dun. But really. What would happen if one day we have to face life ourselves? I dunno. I certainly cant imagine life without my family. I certainly cant.

Boyfie.. Can I imagine life without him? I dunno that either. But one thing I know for sure, I dun wanna lose him. I dun want having to be away from him. I dun want to lose him. Period..

Boys, they come and go. Some I fell in love with, some I believe are just infatuation and some, lets just say they are monkey love. They came into my life. No matter how big of a jerk they are or no matter how bad they have made me suffered, I thank them for making me into a better human, a stronger girl. Why am I saying this?

I’ve had thought about this. And thought about this hard. I’ve had many guy friends and these are seldom misunderstood as me being a player. I do flirt around at times but well, who doesn’t? Now, I have a boyfriend. A guy I truly love. A guy I believe dgn kehendak Allah can make me a happier self. A guy I wanna spent the rest of my life with. And a guy I never wanna lose. Why is it that we only met now? A question I seldom ask myself. But I guess I’ve got the answer.

Before I met you, I was not the best I could be. Experience and past incident made me who I am today. I may still not be the best in the world. But I am at my very utmost best when I am with you. Happiest day or not.

I am sorry I can’t be the best friend, the best daughter, the best sister, the best girlfriend to those I love but I have learnt that nobody can ever be perfect. I am just trying to be the best I could to being near perfect.

I have left my past. Left whoever in that past. I have moved on but I cannot do it if I keep getting obstacles along the way. I cannot do it if the people I love keep reminding me of it.

I love everyone. Even those who hate me.

But I love my family and boyfriend more. Because no matter how bitchy or bad or nasty they are at times, they never fail to back me up. Being by me all the time.

Boyfie, we had tons of arguments. Lots of fighting. I am sorry I can never be perfect.

Difficulty

How unfair life gets ya?


I am not talking about my life but about everything in general. About everything that is happening right before my eyes. People facing problem and feeling like the world has come crushing down on me. Well, I am not commenting nor am I judging. For I am not in any of the situation. Maybe I am facing such problem but every case has a different scenario.

It was never easy. We all thought of the perks being trusted, we all thought of the fun it brings holding on to someone’s secret, but fact is.. They were never easy.

There are things in life I wished I didn’t know. I wished I never ever had the hint of knowing. Because the pain and hurt of knowing suck.. Who can you talk to? Who can you share your problems with when it’s a SECRET you are holding on to.

I have no idea if I am doing the right thing. It will be another story entirely if I reject. My.. Why is this getting too difficult.

One thing I have to remember, “Allah takkan menguji umatNye lebih dari kemampuan mereke”

The world is round

Nothing seems to be in my favour recently.. Nothing..

Was thinking about the online shop so many times and it kinda set me back a little bit. Its kinda draining my confidence in believing this would actually work.

Losing all faith and confidence. Right about now, I am not so sure if giving it all up is the solution or be patient and go along with it. Posting and researching and see if theres finally any result out?

I dunno.. I dun quite know the way out here. What should I really do? Continue? I build this up like my baby and to just give up and stop doing it is killing me. Really killing me.. I wanna continue but for how long more should I drain my energy, money and enthusiasm before this will actually start to kick off..

I am not complaining because i know rezeki datangnyer dari Allah. HE knows better and is planning something for me along the way. Just that I am not sure what. Its kinda depressing for me to be guessing this everytime. Its painful.

Work? I am losing interest in work. Waking up in the morning is a drag.. Dragging my feet to work is just torture. I dunno for sure what the reason was for this bad attitude but something for sure, nothing interest me anymore. But hey, they say 'Kerja itu ibadah', need to do it. The reason why I am persevering through. I am even thankful for still having a job.. When I can actually have lost it times and times again so easily..A wonder why I am still here when the company is not doing so good.

Just applied for school last week. I have to wait for so long for the result. I am kinda nervous but then again, I am just hopeful that it gets approved. The faster I get this done and over with, the more relieved I will find myself to be. Selagi tak ade degree dalam tangan, selagi tu hidup tak aman. Insyaallah for the approval.

Ok.. Thats it for now.. Got to go.. :) Love you bloggy..

And, love you baby..

Hidup

Hidup
Terlalu banyak sangat dugaan yang harus dipikul..
Terlalu banyak sangat kesusahan yang akan ditemui..

Masalah datang..
One after another
Too tired at times
Too lazy to cater to all this

But well, I know well enouh to not chuck problems aside

Mengharap aje Allah beri aku kekuatan dan kesabaran untuk hadapi ni sume.. Sometimes it hurts alot.. But then again, what can I ever do..

Hidup kan.. Kekadang kat atas.. Kekadang kat bawah.. Kekadang kat depan.. Terkadang kat belakang. Kekadang gembire.. Kekadang .... haiz.. Ntah la.. Sape nak sedih kan? Sape nak bingit kan?

Obstacle after obstacle.. Going through the ordeal of getting them all sorted out, thats the tedious part.. Dimane kesabaran akan tercabar..

Sume orang ingin difahami.. Ingin sentiase jadi betol.. But when its a problem between 2.. How not to have anyone at fault? Penat kan pk sal ni..

Alhamdulillah puase.. Kesabaran aku maseh bertempat..

Ciptaan Jantina

Wanita dan lelaki
Diciptakan berbeza..
Berbeza pendirian
Berbeza cara
Berbeza perasaan

Lelaki..
Kau kasar
Bisa menerima cacian
Bisa menepis sakit dan luka

Wanita..
Diciptakan lemah
Diciptakn sensitif dengan bicara kasar
Diciptakn airmata untuk menahan duka

Perbezaan ini sering kali disalah ertikn
Si lelaki menyalahkn kelembutan wanita
Si wanita menyalahkn keegoan lelaki

Pernahkah terfikir
jikalau jantina dan cara berubah
Si lelaki jadi sensitif
Si wanita kasar bicara
Bisa kah diterima kesalahan yang dilakukan?

Haiz..:(

Boring.

Hmm hmm. Hello Bloggy. What a day. What a morning. I'm bored.. Anybody to entertain me. Pls pls pls... I dont quite know what to blog about but I just wanna write. Oh wait. I need to complain something. My Bahasa melayu is getting from bad to worst. Aiyo. My puisi writing has long been terrible. Super terrible. Nak tulis balik but tak boleh. Stress sey when to think abt it. Ok la. I da malas nak tulis. Bubye Bloggy. I love u lots lots.

What am I like..

I was thinking about making my blog private.. But then again I thought that its kinda redundant.. Noone blog anymore nowadays..So that means nobody will actually go and check people's blog.. Since I dun have readers coming here, so whats the point of making it private.. I shall just say whatever I want then..:)

This past month had been one I can say I dun wanna live in.. I went through them but I dun like it the slightest bit. No.. Its not work this time.. I am just having a hard time with everything and everybody. I dun really know why.. Haiz.. I am sick and tired of all this drama.. heartache.. All these nonsense..

I seem to feel so insignificant on the face of Earth.. I dun feel special.. I dun feel that I make any difference to anybody's life.. I am just another normal girl going through the hardship of life.. Yea.. I am nothing much to anyone.. I am just doing everyone a/the favour. Its ok..

Its really sad.. Really.. And as I write down today's entry in this blog( that never fail me), I cry.. Not because I am insignificant.. But because I am tired..

I have been thinking alot these few days.. I may be smiling all the time but who actually know what I feel. I dun expect anybody to understand me anyway.. I was just wondering about everything that has happened to me all this while.. Did I do the right thing? Did I make the right decision? If I am doing the right thing then why is it that I feel so tired from all these dramas? Why is it that I never liked the trouble and pain it cause..

I dun wanna do or think anything that might be bad for me at the end.. I dun wanna hurt myself even deeper. I know how it feels like.

The future seems brighter but I dun quite know for sure.  I wanna go ahead and finish my studies before I decide on anything.. I wanna be successful before anything.. haiz.. I dunno.. Somehow, deep down, I am kinda dead!

I love my baby.

My daddy has always been saying. Do something for yourself. Achieve what you wanna achieve. I am 22 this year. How fast time flies. I Can still remember clearly my mom tied my hair to school so clearly. Seems like its only yesterday. Time is indeed moving so quickly. Too quick I can't grasp any if I'm a little too late. So, what's up with life right? Nothing much. Still the same old boring thing. I still work and the same place and I am still tired all the time. Same plain excuse tqah. So, being 22. It somehow kinda got stuck to my head that I'm already in the adult category. And being the eldest, responsibilities are up on my shoulder. Making wise decision is a must. Being perfect is also one of the key. I must say I am grateful for the human form brought upon me. I cAn never thank them enough. I may be a 5 year old girl at times. But I know in my head that I am old enough.. Last before I go. Just wanna say. I love my baby.

Happy as it is..

I have started my own small business.. Nothing big.. But I am hopeful it will grow. Its dealing with branded kids wear and its guaranteed of good quality.. Lyshababynkids.blogspot.com

I hope it grows.. Insyaallah..

So yeah.. I have been tired and in pain right about now.. :) Nothing new.. Yea..

So, yeehaw.. Hows life? My life have been one fun roller coaster ride.. When I thought I've seen enough, more is to come.. Im taking everything slowly.. At a step.. With thoughtful planning.. With support and perseverance, I am sure I will go through all this..

Relationship with darling bf has been wonderful. Too much drama but nothing we cant handle.. I am grateful for having him waltzing into my life.. Whatever I am short of, he fill them in.. Making life a whole lot better.Darling.. Thank you for everything.. Just so you know.. I love love love you...:)

Family? Wooo... They are awesome.. Splendidly awesome.. Listening to my nonsense every single day.. Helping and guiding me whenever I need them.. They are just wonderful.. The pillar of my life. I love them with every heartbeat..:)

Me? My life itself.. I have been wonderful. No near depression.. No insomnia.. No nonsense.. Ooh ooh no.. I still have nonsense.. My point here is that I am happy.. Truly happy... Alhamdulillah.. I dun have many friends but I am happy.  I dun confide in many.. I only have bf and mum to confide most of my problems or issues too. Well again, you dun quite need the whole world around you to be happy.. Its making most of the time you have with the people around you that matters..

I am thankful.. Alhamdulillah..

I am 22..

So, I have turned 22.. In fact, I am 22 years and 4 days today.. Alhamdulillah..

Just a writeup on how 11/12/13 May went by.. My chalet was awesome.. Not as gorgeous and big but we all had fun.. I am soo sure everyone had fun.

I thank all the wondeful people who made all those happen.. the laughter.. Smiles and great time.. I love you guys lots..

I want to be happy on those days.. And I was happy.. I didnt fake any smile or laughter.. I was genuinely happy.  Really happy..Everything was a success.. The gifts and presents were all wonderful..

I love you guys lots... I turned 22.. Alhamdulillah dgn kehendak ALLAH... To the rest of you guys.. Just many many thanks..

22

Have you ever felt like banging yourself against the hard wall. Well, I certainly feel that at this very instant. No no. It's not the headache or any sort of pain. It's just that I feel so much anger and dissatisfaction. I am turning 22 tomorrow. 22 years of life. Life I thank Allah for. Life I would never exchange with someone's else. Bcoz as much as sometimes things suck.. I love my life. I have such wonderful parents and came a wonderful family. Stable financial. Bf? I just am grateful he came walking into my life. We had arguments. And I mean tremendously lots of them. I am so damn tired of it. Really am. But again. It's a relationship. I can't expect no tide and waves. Unfortunately. I dun feel as excited as I'm suppose to. I'm just anxious and a little Bit scared that 12 may might not be one helluva great day. It's selfish of me actually. Really. Why bother much right. I have my family. My family who stood my me and my sister n brother through everything. Who never once left us in the lurch. My Couz will be there to celebrate my bday with me. They have been my darling since forever. For them. And for the sake of everyone else. I am going to be happy tomorrow no matter why happened. No matter what happened! I'm strong and if I have to fake a smile. I would do my very best. Lastly. Alhamdulillah Kepale Allah kerane memberi Aku rezeki utk laksanekan 'majlis' Ini. Dan kerane kurniakn Aku kepade dua insan yang sangat menyayangi Aku.. Alhamdulillah.

Dream big..

Hello there again dear bloggy

I know it has been a while since I last blog.. I have been utterly busy the past few weeks. Too busy planning for too many things. Maybe basically I was also busy reading alot that I dun quite blog alot. It is also because I have not much things to talk about to blog. Nothing interesting happened by far..

So lets see.. From the last time I blog.. Hmm...

We celebrated darling bf's birthday. By 'WE' I mean his beloved baby and the girlfriend. Went over to his place to eat, karaoke and game.. And then made a last minute decision to follow his family to a family birthday celebration just for the baby boy.. :) What else can I say.. I spent the day with darling and I am happy.. Seriously..

Next.. I am a lil bz in trying to become an entrepreneur.. A small business I am starting.. Hoping and praying it goes into the right direction.. Scared like seriously scared.. But now that I have taken my baby steps, the next thing to do would be to take a slightly bigger step.:)

Well, I have really big dreams this year.. Dreams I am going to make happen. Dreams I would so much so want to see blossom. My hardwork.. My plans.. My dreams..

Lets hope..:)

Urgh!!

Maybe I should learn to shut up. Seriously. It's causing some people heartaches. Tho I seriously dunno Wat I did or say wrong. Purely individual sensitiveness.

Saying things like that just make me feel so damn terrible. Seriously speaking. I never ever meant anything. I didn't thought just telling something could result in a shaky situation.

Damn. I'm too tired thinking and talking about it. I dunno Wat else to say. But dammit. I'm tired.

Otw back home

I am soooo very hungry right now. I could eat a cow. Shall go home and eat like a glutton!! Heh

Ok so. Today is the 11th. Happy happy bdae to kaklong.. Stay pretty. Senyum2 slalu. :)

Back to me.. Hmm. Work is good so far. I'm doing my job. Too many things happening. I hate changes but since I am working. Changes are a definite must. I am still trying my very best to Coping and adapting to it.. So far. Not much problem.

Personal life?? Hmm. Like I've said previously. Too many roller coaster rides. Tired but trying to cope.

I need a massage. Like ASAP!! But with expenses towards the birthday celeb in placed, I have to put the niat to massage on hold. :)

Now. As I am sitting here in the train. Otw back. My mind wonder to a thousand different places. I wonder how I manage to do that. Haha.

However, like what me n my mgr was talking about earlier today. There's not much of a point to be planning the future when the real deal is how we actually want to live our present. Because once today, or rather,the present, is over, 11/4/2012 will be history. And whatever happens in the future is due to what happened now. :)

Ok baby. I'm tired. I'll blog again soon. Bye lovelies.

Shut it

They say. You dont owe anyone a living. And you don't owe anyone any apology. hmm hmm. So that means I owe nobody any explanation. For I am tired of clarifying myself to people who never want to listen. The best option is to shut up n ignore. Yes the wrong. No the truth.

Life has been great so far. Apart from the massive headache. It's quite an interesting life. Too many roller coaster rides. Some I can't bother to even board. Nor do I bother to scream. Haiz.

Nothing much to say for today's post. But here's a last note:

Thanks darling for the time you spent for me. I may have done lots I wrongs but I am pretty sure this time I'm not.

Hmm

Huh...

One thing led to another. And damn. That's not a good lead at all.

For years now, I've been asking myself the same old question. Am I a good whatever.. I mean.. An I a good daughter. Am I a good sister. Am I a good girlfriend. Am I a good friend. Am I even a good human being. Again and again the question keeps on playing in my head. Not that I can't find answers to all those. Just that as much I wanna know. I cAnt bring myself to go and actually know.

My colleague once told me that we can never go hard on ourselves. Always take things easy and stay positive. She say that we must at all times love ourselves. Because our love for ourselves and the love others give you are so much different. They can love you. But one day when they all are gone. What will happen?

Good advice I thought. Because seriously. I've never thought of it like that. Stay positive. The one advice everybody should seek. Just that everytime I try to think positive. There's this tiny voice at the back of my head going all negative. And for a very tiny sound. It's doing good. Because it sure do get to me. Irritating much.

I have love. That I do know. And one particular love I want to be writing and think about is this love with a particular guy.

Since the day I created this blog( act it was zura who created it for me ), I have fallen head or heels or I would say madly in love with 3 sweethearts. All in about 4 5 years. Yea. 3.. 3 amazing people who have foun their way in and out of my life. I never regretted any event. For I believe all this happened for a reason. I made my mistakes. I learnt from some. And I ignored some.

Suhaimi. Another guy who pop into my life with so much to offer. I truly do not know how this happen or rather how this is gonna work out. It's been a couple of months. Too many roller coaster rides. And for a person who hate roller coasters, I kinda enjoy this ride just fine.

Darling. Thank u for granting me a positive couple of months and thank you for being by me on my not so wonderful days. Thank u for helping me see that I have lots of people who loved me and cared for me. And that includes you. I've never made a public declaration. But here goes. I love you. Dearly.

Feeling terrible

Well.. I'm writing my post here using my dearest iPhone. What the rush right? Well. There's the rush. I need u my dear bloggy for I do not have any other soure of companion for complains.

Haiz. Things wasn't all that wonderful at all. Not at all. Things are getting much difficult as time past. I don't know how long I an take this for my patience hasn't been one I would be proud of now. Because I'm not left with a lot. I get angry over small small issues and it's pissing me off and the people around me.

Dear bloggy. What should I do? I'm clueless and as helpless as I can be. I dont even know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I dont even know what I'm doing.. Bad enough right?

I'm sorry darling. For my shortfalls and flaws. But I know never once have you stopped loving me. Thank you for that.

Dear Allah. Beri Aku kekuatan dan petunjukmu. Amin.

Spouting

My current situation right now is what I hate to feel the most: PAIN!

Haiz.. My head is pounding.. My feet terase2 nak simpul biawak.. Soon I would think.. My legs are as weak as jelly.. My tummy is full of wind..Burp burp.. Doesnt make things any better when I decide to massgae daddy.. More burp burp.. Hey, I'm not complaining alright.

I truly do not know what happened to my body today. ts super uncomfy. And as I blog, panadol is running through my body taking effect.. I truly hope its taking effect coz at this moment, I so need the effect to happen. Coz really.. Feeling like a walking dead is no fun at all.

Mood for today was not that wonderful either.. But ironically, unlike other days, I dun let it take over me.. I smiled to my staffs.. I did my work.. Never with a frown but a smile.. A sincere one at it though seriously, cume Allah je tahu macam mane terok nyer I feel.. I mean my body condition. Cume Allah je tahu brape lemah and tak bermaye I rase.. Syukur Alhamdulillah.. Because when I couldn't describe a feeling or situation into words, I still know that all the unspoken are still understood and heard by Allah.

Though I penat and lemah, I maseh nak blog. I have no idea why the rush to blog. I just feel like I need to blog.. thats the reason for the blog this late at night. And I truly am grateful for having all the right words to describe my feelings, situation or whatsoever. That may be a sign that I should start writing again. Like finally. Please do Tqah.. Its a promise I made to myself. Because I dun want to believe that winning Projek Cerpen was just a mere luck. I know I have what it takes to be a writer. I know I have that talent, Just that I do not have enough exposure and the opportunity to do this.

Before I end today's post, I just wanna say a sudden thank to people who have given me reaosn to smile and live each day.

Thank you Allah for giving me yet another chance to live, see the goodness and badness of what the world has become and most importantly the chance to repent
Thank you mama baba for loving me and equipping me with every moral support and support in every other way so that I grow up to be a very respectable young woman
Thank you to my adek2 for adding spices to my everyday life. Their laughter, their concern and their smiles mean the world to me and having them taught the snese of responsibility
Thank you Suhaimi for being by me day in day out and hearing me rant and complain about almost everything, Letting me see life in a more positive and beautiful way
And lastly, thank you to every single human being whom I have once had fond memories with. My memories of you all have made me who I have become today. Good or bad, I am grateful for lessons learnt.

Good night lovelies.. I am me because of you all.

Life life.

One of the days when you feel that the whole world is against you. Against your belief.. Against your principles and against all action you have took.

As much as it irritates the shit out of someone, without denying, it hurts the hell out of everybody. Anyway.. Who likes being held against?

Well.. This is just random statement I am making here. No hard feelings whatsoever..

So oh well..

Life? Hows life exactly?

Not that fantastic but I am coping.. What other choices do I have right. Gotta live them and find positiveness in everything that happens. Not complaining at all.

Just that when I stop and think about my life, I get really tired keeping up with everything. I am turning 22 this year. Rather, in about 2 months time.. Is this the age where I am all adult and no-nonsense expected of me or this is the age where I learn the true defination of life, make desicions and have a taste of my own judgement?

Things are moving way too fast for me.. Responsibility for myself, responsibility for my own actions, my future.. Whats lies ahead, I have no idea but I believe they will all be what they will become due to my own actions and decisions. That probably explains why I am concentrating so hard on the money-making process and the chance for a degree course soon..

What I want for my future? Lets not talk about what I want and will insyaallah do for my family. What I want for myself? Easy.. An outstanding career with satisfying pay.. A beautiful life with people I already have in mind.. Sounds difficult.. Ya.. But the difficult part is the process..

I guess I have been too hard on myself. Maybe that explains why I have been sick and recovering is sure not an easy process this time.

Haiz.. Maybe I should stop blogging now.. I'm pressing the keys to the keyboard so hard. Bet if it could speak, it would have asked me to stop! Mental note to myself: Breathe at every step tqah

Happy?

Happy?

Alright.. So what does being happy exactly means? Or rather, what was it defined as?
This is what dictionary.com defines happy as:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy
3. Favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky
4. Apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. Obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated

Well, ‘happy’ sure is a vast, mass topic to define. Individually, I guess its up to each one to define what being happy truly mean to them. It can just be a feeling of contentment or maybe just a feeling of extremely excitedment. I don’t know.

Ask me what being happy means? Hmm. Maybe being happy to me means when I am able to smile my sweetest and laugh my most sincere. And though it sounds much easier to be doing such, it actually isn’t. Being happy IS EASY. But to be sincerely happy? I dun really think the job is very much easy. What’s with the following factors: work, peers, problems after problems and a few others.

But truthfully, being happy does not have a meaning to it if I were to feel it alone. Being happy requires my family and boyfriend to be happy too. And seeng them smile and be happy. That’s my true definition of being my most HAPPIEST!

28/02/2012

Another exciting day..

Alhamdulillah.

Went out to celebrate dear Idrus nyer birthday.. Was meant to give him a surprise and hahaha.. Based on mataer dier nyer report, we did a fairly good job on the surprise part.. Hahha..

Good good.. Yet again, didnt expect the outing to be a very enjoyable one. It was again a super fun day and I had tonnnnssssss of fun.

Thank you loved ones.. And you.. hey you.. I love you..especially..

Life plan

Life life life... How has it been so far, since the day I last updated my blog.. Well.. It has been happy happy ones.. No complains

Alhamdulillah for all the lovely people in my life.. People who loves me unconditionally and those who care for my well-being:)

So.. So whats up with life exactly ya.

Been thinking again.. Thinking if I should reshuffle or if I should change my life plan.. Been bothered by all the 'what ifs' again.. And all different possible, sounds-good ideas/plans come to mind.. Hahaha..

I have been thinking and have discussed briefly with dear beloved on this.. And realised that I have no reason to actually change my life plan. Just that, this time, I should really consider marriage into the plan.. Yea. Really should...

So.. Thats basically ya.. I shall update again soon. When I have something to share and write.. I will come back..Loves!

:)

Current song on repeat mode: Selembut Sutera- Nur Fatimah

Ok.. I have just reached home from work, seminar and an outing with a bunch of few people.

And apart from the fact that I became the centre of everybody's attention since I am wearing a super bright red dress and a super tired feet due to killer heels, I am feeling wonderful.. Thank you to the 3 bunch for making my evening a pretty enjoyable one.

Looking forward for more~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well well.. Life has been colorful the past few days.. Dull colors with a tinge of bright colors.

Well who bothers anyway...

I am selfish

Too many stuffs are playing in my head.

I dun even know what I am doing.. What I am thinking and what I am feeling. Leave me alone for a while and this problem keep coming bugging me. Urgh! Its so frustrating doing something and hating it at the same time.

I know people talk behind me all the time. And I dare say even my close friends do that. How I know? I am not dumb! And I have brains to and eyes to think and see. I know I am called names and I also know that I have been selfish to people. It bugs me. But given time, I've been wondering if it is wrong for me to be selfish, like finally, too see myself happy. Doing whatcr I think I want to do and having the freedom to think abt what I want to do in life.

As much as theres still that imperfection in my life, I am rather happy that I am free. I finallybreathe with relieve. Knowing that I have done myself a favour not owing anyone my life.

I am sorry. To everyone I've hurt. But I think its also time I think about myself. My happiness. My future.

Me and the choices I make

Just thought that maybe I should satisfy my need to write before I hit the sack.

Topic for the day: Thinking my thoughts!

Till today, I have been thinking about my choices. The choices I have taken in life and whether they do me good or otherwise. What if some things didn't happen or what if some things did happen? Been thinking about the big 'WHAT IFs'. Not that I can control myself from thinking. It just came passing my mind so randomly. So yea..

I've made a huge change to my life plan. It was kinda an impromptu change plan but I think until I think of something better, I will abide by this.

I am turning 22 in a few months time and my am I not getting any younger. Responsibilities held on my shoulder not giving me any spare time to stop and think.. Juggling two things at one time is no joke! Deciding one over the other has never been a forte of miine butI've been doing alot of those as time past. Kudos to me. But I always have the 'what ifs' after any deciding game..

Baby steps to a wiser and responsible me. Thats what I wanna believe.. I don't care if they think I am not capable of doing so. But I know I have people who believe I can. I know I have people who will root for me till the very last bit.

Today, I am proud of who I have become. I have past which I prefer not to dwell on. I have experience which some, I dun wanna go to. But all in all. I am living by my choices. I am my own driver in my own life. I decide where I go and I decide who I wanna become.

And thats what sometimes make life so much better.

OOOH YEAH!

Other than the fact that I am addicted and on repeat mode for Siti Nurhaliza's falling for you, I am dead rot!

My phone doesn't sound that much tonight due to the fact that someone forgot to charge dier nyer hp.. Bagus sesangat.. Pergi date ngan mak nyer choice! Hehe..

I am rotting but hey.. I am not joking.. Having the time to rest. Like finally! Thats already seems promising enough.. Trying my very best to not even think about work.. Of which it hasn't been that successful.

Oh anyway.. Today was wonderful.. I mean day at work was nice.. Though I was rushing like mad the whole day. Decided to balik siang sebab ade twinny suro I balik cepat.. Kesian lak kan dier da sampai lame! Surprise surprise.. Ade orang fetch I!!! Hhaha... Ade la pagi2 terpikir knape eh.. Sekali that day jugak dapat surprise!

Well well.. My already nice day was made perfect after work.. I am thanking loads!..

Right now.. Since I takde pape nak buat.. Let me just go back to my Siti Nurhaliza addiction and maybe same game..Bye syg!

I just wanna be happy..

Have you ever feel the need to want something but knowing that the only thing blocking your way or stopping you is the fact that you are so afraid to face other people?

No matter how much I tell myself I lead my own life and I shouldn't worry about what other people think, I can't stop thinking and feeling that what I do may hurt or let down some people. Damn! Its not like this is the first time this is happening to me! I think about people too much that at the end of it, it sometimes doesn't pay.

Daddy has always said that I should be happy with what I do. When I am not feeling the satisfaction and happiness in what I am doing then stop! Sometimes I wish I can just stop and move on but it gets soo difficult when it involves people and their feelings.. Or better yet, mine!

Life has so much to offer and thats where the problem comes in. At least for me! It has too much that the next step to it is choosing.. How do I ever know that choosing something over the other is always the right choice? Because usually, the right choice, it doesnt come to me at all. Blurg!

Oh my.. Why does love always have to play a big part in someone's life? Or maybe being all goody-goody nicey nice is not always good.. Urgh! Play with decision. Play with choices!! Eat yourself up!

May I have and get guidance for all this complication and may I HAVE THE ANSWER FOR IT WHEN THE TIME COMES..