I am selfish

Too many stuffs are playing in my head.

I dun even know what I am doing.. What I am thinking and what I am feeling. Leave me alone for a while and this problem keep coming bugging me. Urgh! Its so frustrating doing something and hating it at the same time.

I know people talk behind me all the time. And I dare say even my close friends do that. How I know? I am not dumb! And I have brains to and eyes to think and see. I know I am called names and I also know that I have been selfish to people. It bugs me. But given time, I've been wondering if it is wrong for me to be selfish, like finally, too see myself happy. Doing whatcr I think I want to do and having the freedom to think abt what I want to do in life.

As much as theres still that imperfection in my life, I am rather happy that I am free. I finallybreathe with relieve. Knowing that I have done myself a favour not owing anyone my life.

I am sorry. To everyone I've hurt. But I think its also time I think about myself. My happiness. My future.

Me and the choices I make

Just thought that maybe I should satisfy my need to write before I hit the sack.

Topic for the day: Thinking my thoughts!

Till today, I have been thinking about my choices. The choices I have taken in life and whether they do me good or otherwise. What if some things didn't happen or what if some things did happen? Been thinking about the big 'WHAT IFs'. Not that I can control myself from thinking. It just came passing my mind so randomly. So yea..

I've made a huge change to my life plan. It was kinda an impromptu change plan but I think until I think of something better, I will abide by this.

I am turning 22 in a few months time and my am I not getting any younger. Responsibilities held on my shoulder not giving me any spare time to stop and think.. Juggling two things at one time is no joke! Deciding one over the other has never been a forte of miine butI've been doing alot of those as time past. Kudos to me. But I always have the 'what ifs' after any deciding game..

Baby steps to a wiser and responsible me. Thats what I wanna believe.. I don't care if they think I am not capable of doing so. But I know I have people who believe I can. I know I have people who will root for me till the very last bit.

Today, I am proud of who I have become. I have past which I prefer not to dwell on. I have experience which some, I dun wanna go to. But all in all. I am living by my choices. I am my own driver in my own life. I decide where I go and I decide who I wanna become.

And thats what sometimes make life so much better.

OOOH YEAH!

Other than the fact that I am addicted and on repeat mode for Siti Nurhaliza's falling for you, I am dead rot!

My phone doesn't sound that much tonight due to the fact that someone forgot to charge dier nyer hp.. Bagus sesangat.. Pergi date ngan mak nyer choice! Hehe..

I am rotting but hey.. I am not joking.. Having the time to rest. Like finally! Thats already seems promising enough.. Trying my very best to not even think about work.. Of which it hasn't been that successful.

Oh anyway.. Today was wonderful.. I mean day at work was nice.. Though I was rushing like mad the whole day. Decided to balik siang sebab ade twinny suro I balik cepat.. Kesian lak kan dier da sampai lame! Surprise surprise.. Ade orang fetch I!!! Hhaha... Ade la pagi2 terpikir knape eh.. Sekali that day jugak dapat surprise!

Well well.. My already nice day was made perfect after work.. I am thanking loads!..

Right now.. Since I takde pape nak buat.. Let me just go back to my Siti Nurhaliza addiction and maybe same game..Bye syg!

I just wanna be happy..

Have you ever feel the need to want something but knowing that the only thing blocking your way or stopping you is the fact that you are so afraid to face other people?

No matter how much I tell myself I lead my own life and I shouldn't worry about what other people think, I can't stop thinking and feeling that what I do may hurt or let down some people. Damn! Its not like this is the first time this is happening to me! I think about people too much that at the end of it, it sometimes doesn't pay.

Daddy has always said that I should be happy with what I do. When I am not feeling the satisfaction and happiness in what I am doing then stop! Sometimes I wish I can just stop and move on but it gets soo difficult when it involves people and their feelings.. Or better yet, mine!

Life has so much to offer and thats where the problem comes in. At least for me! It has too much that the next step to it is choosing.. How do I ever know that choosing something over the other is always the right choice? Because usually, the right choice, it doesnt come to me at all. Blurg!

Oh my.. Why does love always have to play a big part in someone's life? Or maybe being all goody-goody nicey nice is not always good.. Urgh! Play with decision. Play with choices!! Eat yourself up!

May I have and get guidance for all this complication and may I HAVE THE ANSWER FOR IT WHEN THE TIME COMES..