Wednesday, December 23, 2009

mama and baba

I was reading naqiah's notes on FB when I realised that we actually have the same childhood..

Since young,I was brought up very very very strictly.Both by my mum and dad.They always beat and scolded me for all the things I did wrong eventhough I am still so young.

I remembered,everytime I stomped my feet when I dun like something,they will take anything they can get within reach and hit my feet many many times until I cry and promised I wont do it again.That happens for so many times and the same promises was made everytime I was beaten.

When I was in primary school,my mum always fetched me everyday.If I were to take the school bus,she will be there on the kitchen window waiting for us.Whenever I forgot to bring something to school,I would call and she would always come to bring it for me.

Countless times when I fall sick she will always be by me taking care of my every welfare,asking all the time if I am alright.

Now.At the age of 19.She still does sent me off to the doorstep when I want to go to school or work or just out with friends.SHe still accompany me to see the doctor when I fall sick.She still help to iron my clothes when I am late.,She still will help pack my bags when I am late.She still constantly remind me of all my daily agenda.She still says good luck to me when I am going for a test,exam,interview or presentation.She still asked me how my papers were after every exam.And now,she wakes up every morning just to pack for me food to bring to work.

Now,I prefer to keep quiet when she is angry.Now,I dun stomp my feet anymore when I am upset.My mum,she does instill that in me..

My dad.He has always been working.He is only 40 but he already looked tired and old.He is working too much but it is all for us.His family.I am so very sure that he never thought of his health and tiredness when he go to work in the middle of the night.

Dad work as a marine technician and I am so very proud of that,He used to asked me 'arent you ashamed telling ur friends I worked as that?' and with a stern expression I said 'No!' Why would I be ashame if thats where he got his money to provide us with.Everytime when he will talk about boats and ships and all,he will always talk proudly about him doing this and that.So,I have no reason at all to be ashamed.

He always gets calls in the middle of the night or when he is out with us to get back to work at this this this time.And MOST of the time,he will go and take up the job..It doesnt matter what time he has to work.When all of us are fast asleep,he is at werk alone doing all his work.

I always get what I want whether its sooner or later.And all,are from my parents.They always try to make us happy by getting what we want but I think I havent really been a very very good daughter to accept all they have done for me.Daddy always call me during my IAP to check on me because he know that I am all alone here.And trust me,to have him call and hear his voice makes me happier more than anything else.When I look at something expensive with eyes that says I really really want it,daddy will asked me to go get it but I will always turn it down if its too expensive.Sometimes I realise I just aint a good girl to deserve what we wants to give me.The other time at Msia,mumy gave me a bag.I looked inside and saw 3 formal wear and when I looked at the receipt,I really really feel like crying,I already had tears in my eyes.It was in Ringgit but I was just touched that daddy actually went to a shop to shop for his daughter's formal wear and he did get all the nice and perfect size for me.

Though I dun show it,I always wished this. I want to grow up fast.I want to work fast and I want to dedicate my life for my parents.I want dad to stop working soon enough.I want to be the one to worry about the bills and expenses.I want to be the one to give them the money for their daily usage.I want him to stop worrying about everything,I want to see him start looking like his age back..I want to know that every second he is safe at home with us,his family.

I may not be the best daughter.And I may not be all that filial but I am trying to be.I wanna spend all my earning on them.Since I cant show them gratitude in any other way,I chose this path.I want them to live their lives easily and healthily.I want them to sleep when its night time and I wake up when its daylight.I dun want them to worry about anything.If they were the one who took care of me when I was little,i want to be the one to take care of them now.

I am 19 but I am not ashame to say that I still do ask for kisses from them and I also still kiss them..For I feel that their kisses mean and feel something way significant and special than any other thing.I will always love and remember my parents.Eventhough I kept really really quiet about everything,I see all their sacrifices and what they have done for us. I am where I am now because of them.I pray and thank ALLAH I am granted such wonderful parents.

As I am writing this and thinking about all the great things they have done for me,I teared.I was thinking that I havent done enough to repay their kindness.I love them so much..I really really do so much...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Persahabatan

Dunia aku tidak pernah kekurangan kawan.Aku sentiasa dikelilingi dengan orang-orang yang dapat ku panggil teman.Ada yang penyayang,baik hati,setia,saling menghormati,murah hati dan macam-macam lagilah.

Semenjak aku mula bersekolah,ya itu semenjak usia ku 4tahun,aku sudah mengumpul kawan tetapi,sebagai anak kecil,apalah yang aku tahu tentang makna sebuah persahabatan.Tetapi pada usia begitu,teman sepermainanku ramai.Usia menginjak setiap tahun dan tanpa tahu maknanya kehidupan,aku sudah pun cukup berusia untuk ke sekolah rendah.Teman begitu ramai.Tetapi selepas setiap akhir tahun,temanku sentiasa berubah-ubah orang.Aku tidak lagi bertegur sapa dengan teman lama dan mereka juga begitu.Jika ada pun,kami pasti akan rasa kekok.

Setiap tahun,pada setiap usia,aku membuat kawan baru.Mereka datang dan pergi.Sehingga usiaku 14 tahun,aku masih tidak lagi faham erti persahabatan.Teman hanya figura yang menemani kita sewaktu rehat,sewaktu main dan sewaktu belajar.Jika aku jumpa mereka diluar,tidak pernah sekali pun aku menegur mereka.Ia seperti persahabatan dibuat oleh ku hanya dibataskan di sekolah.

Semakin aku meningkat dewasa,semakin fikiran tahu untuk menentukan yang betul dan salah dan pabila aku rasa aku sudah cukup sensitif,baru aku tahu apa rasanya kehilangan,keseorangan,kasih sayang antara manusia dan persahabatan.Sejak itu,semua persahabatan yang terjalin pasti akan aku genggam seeratnya supaya ianya berkekalan.Aku yakin ia akan berkekalan.

Tetapi perhubungannya tidak selalunya indah.Dengki,cemburu,pergaduhan,semuanya berlaku dan kerana ini,sebuah persahabatan yang aku genggam akhirnya terlerai.Aku tangisi persahabatan yang selalu hilang.Akukah yang bersalah?Akukah yang tidak cukup baik?

Aku pergi ke poly.Kawan baru lagi.Tetapi kali ini, aku memilih kawanku.Jika dulu semua orang boleh menjadi kawanku,sekarang,aku memilih.Bukan aku sombong tetapi pengalaman mengajar aku supaya jangan bergaul terlalu bebas.Buat apa mencari teman jika semuanya tidak akan kekal.

Setiap kali aku berkenalan dengan sesiapa mereka pasti akan mengatakan aku sombong.Mengapa menilai kalau tidak tahu sedikit pun tentang diri aku?Kawan-kawanku sekarang,berapa ramai aja yang akan kekal.Aku pasti ada yang akan pergi juga dari hidup aku.Tetapi aku sudah terlalu bersedia untuk berhadapan dengan kehilangan mereka.

Aku?Selagi orang ingin berkawan denganku,selagi ini pintu hatiku terbuka untuk menerima.Kalau kau setia,itu bonus.Kalau tidak,biarlah kita hanya teman biasa walaupun hati aku akan rasa pedih jika mereka pergi kelak.

Persahabatan sebuah hubungan yang indah dan amat bermakna tetapi mengapa manusia selalu menjatuhkan maknanya sehingga membuat aku gerun dan melihat persahabatan sebagai sesuatu yang tidak berharga..Tiada siapa yag ingin menukar persepsiku kah?

Monday, December 21, 2009

2 days journal

I was watching HSM3 when suddenly I thought 'It would be super nice if we could all have such a graduation.I mean,it would be such a memorable graduation.Before everyone of us got busy with our own path of life.Studies;local or overseas,work;local or overseas.I didnt think about it that much after the movie ended but today,I listened to the graduation song again and I fall in love and mind me,I actually cried at the end of it.I was wondering how I am gonna leave everything on my graduation ceremony and day.I wouldnt want everything to go away.

I want to smile and laugh knowing that that is all because of my friends here.But you know.Graduation is something that will come by everytime you end school,so, whether you like it or not,its a must to go through.

Isnt there a prom night for us all?Haha..Maybe we can have all the ECC with MIT or anything..Hahah..Hha..The last dance and the last night with these dear people.At least a memorable one before we say our goodbyes.

You see.,I watch another video and I cry..Dammit! Tqah.Stop being so sensitive,,,Ya ampun..AKu nie!!!!! Isk!!


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Self note.What have I exactly achieved this year..AHHAHA...Only 1 thing

And that is Projeck Cerpen.Whether I win or not,I achieved something and that is the guts to enter the competition and doing well in it..Alhamdulillah.

So for thsi year,I wont really say I have achieved nothing because I have achieved something.Again is that the experience at ShangriLa.Working with important people and dealing with people from all over the country.WOW!Thats another thing I have greatly achieved..What I truly gain this year is experience.All kind of experience.Now at work,Coca Cola,I am still finding and gaining experience.This I know is an experience so valuable only that I havent really have my heart and soul into it.

The friends I made this year will never be forgotten.I realised something.We all will part but theres always facebook and MSN and handphone to make us all connected.So,if everyone keep the piece of friendship,everything will turn out nice and wonderful.:)

The memories I shared with family and friends,that I will never forget.The sweet,the bitter.I still have pictures to keep everything with me.

Attachment is the last path to getting my Diploma.Such a relieve..Not! As much as we I want to throw all books and studies,I don't want to leave school just yet and start for work.Does this mean my study life has ended?No more having to carry notes and books to school.No more having to sit in class hoping the kecturer is not coming.No more having them nag and blabber like as if anyone was listening.No more hoping that class was cut short so we could all hang out .No more feeling all so happy because on the particular day we have 2hours break.Just no more..

And I very much bersyukur for all the rezeki Allah have given me..I very very very much bersyukur for it.

`I didnt check my post'

The final of Princess Almas

Princess Almas and Prince Luv lead their lives per normal everyday since they got back together.They meet when Prince Luv was not busy with any agenda.Princess Almas thought,maybe this was what fate has for her.She might br meant for Prince Luv.Never once have Prince Luv utter a word about the past and the pain she caused him the other time.Everyday he shower her with all the love and care.Just like Prince Luv to be doing those.

One day as they were having tea at the near garden,both Princess Almas and Prince Luv hear the laughter of a couple.They turned to the laughter and both saw Prince Sky with Princess Chera.Princess Almas turned away and as much as she wants to deny it,it was jealousy and hurt she felt but for the sake of the man in front of her,she put up a smile and tried not to br bothered by them.

Prince Luv saw the change in the Princess movement.If justnow,she was free to move,now,she stays rigid and her smile,they weren't that sweet as earlier.

'Prince Sky!' Prince Luv called out
"Oh yes Prince Luv and Princess Almas.It has been quite sometimes since I see you,' replied Prince Sky as he and Princess Chera walked towards Princess Almas and Prince Luv.
"Aniway,meet my bride-to-be, Princess Chera.I pressumed you know her."added Prince Sky

As the love birds walked away a moment later,Princess Almas poured another cup of tea for Prince Luv.

"You still loved him ?" the sudden question from Prince Luv surprised the Princess.
"I have promise to dedicate my life to you so we shall not say a word about it.I have completely forget about him," replied Princess Almas calmly.

The conversation about the Princess's feeling ended there.The afternoon was then spend with love and laughter.Princess Almas knew,this was the love she should defend.Her love for Prince Sky was a mistake and it shouldnt have happened.

And like every other princess-ly story,Princess Almas and Prince Luv livehappily ever after...

The final of Princess Almas

Princess Almasa and Prince Luv lead their lives per normal everyday since they got back together.They meet when Prince Luv was not busy with any agenda.Princess Almas thought,maybe this was what fate has for her.She might br meant for Prince Luv.Never once have Prince Luv utter a word about the past and the pain she caused him the other time.Everyday he shower her with all the love and care.Just like Prince Luv to be doing those.

One day as they were having tea at the near garden,both Princess Almas and Prince Luv hear the laughter of a couple.They turned to the laughter and both saw Prince Sky with Princess Chera.Princess Almas turned away and as much as she wants to deny it,it was jealousy and hurt she felt but for the sake of the man in front of her,she put up a smile and tried not to br bothered by them.

Prince Luv saw the change in the Princess movement.If justnow,she was free to move,now,she stays rigid and her smile,they weren't that sweet as earlier.

'Prince Sky!' Prince Luv called out
"Oh yes Prince Luv and Princess Almas.It has been quite sometimes since I see you,' replied Prince Sky as he and Princess Chera walked towards Princess Almas and Prince Luv.
"Aniway,meet my bride-to-be, Princess Chera.I pressumed you know her."added Prince Sky

As the love birds walked away a moment later,Princess Almas poured another cup of tea for Prince Luv.

"You still loved him ?" the sudden question from Prince Luv surprised the Princess.
"I have promise to dedicate my life to you so we shall not say a word about it.I have completely forget about him," replied Princess Almas calmly.

The conversation about the Princess's feeling ended there.The afternoon was then spend with love and laughter.Princess Almas knew,this was the love she should defend.Her love for Prince Sky was a mistake and it shouldnt have happened.

And like every other princess-ly story,Princess Almas and Prince Luv livehappily ever after...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Im not working!

At home now and hahah...I am on MC..And I can tell you,I am weak all over..I dunno..Im just weak! After todae..Which is tomorrow,it will be all work for me..So no more playing around at work..Its all serious..Hmmm!!!!!

Hmmmm...What else..i DUnno what to write...Oooh ya...Wanna know something?I actually printed out some pics to keep me accompany at work..hahhaa..And yea2..Looking at them just make me smile and happy.At least I dun feel all alone at work! hhha..:)yayaya....

So heres what I wanna say alright?

Ive alwaes love writing.It has been my all time interest since I was in primary school.Im not really sure how it happened but then one thing for sure,everytime I enter a writing competition in school,I would mostly win.But there were also times I didnt get anything.In other words,I lost.And I think,thats how this passion came about.Competition continued till I was in Secondary.I write my karangan and when a writing competition is on,I would definitely be at the crime scene..Hhha..And winning it everytime is so much much a pleasure.It all brings up when I was in Sec3.I always score high high marks for my karangan and there was once I've got a comment from my teacher saying that I would make a good writer.And guess what?That was when I tell myself,one day,I will be one!

And so..Entered poly and yayayaya..Projek Cerpen on TV many times..Want to enter but no! I have no guts at all.No guts at all!But this year,I dunno what happened but I was forcing myself to enter.I entered.The having to think of a story line with given genre,the limited time to write the story..Well,that was stress..But well well,I managed to overcome it.When my entry was one of the 10 winnig entries.I was soooo much delighted.It was like a dream come true.Well,it did came true.Hah.

But when my face appeared on tv,that just tells me how shocked these people are about my interest.Hahha..Everyone was shocked to see me on tv winning an entry.They congratulate me and said they were proud of me and they cant wait to watch the production..Welll,thanks..A big thanks to those who really do feel happy for me and am proud of me..I am too myself.

Only that..Its really surprising that I can surprise people all that much..So ok people..I love writing! I dun hide it.Only that I dun show it!If you wanna watch my production,then just wait alright! havent been called for the production so Im not sure myself when the show will be..But once I noe of the detail.I will tell you guys thru FB!

Once again,thanks!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

many many events

So many things happened since the last day I blogged..Lets see; LA production:Terasa, FYP and attachment,Family Day out and afew other more I cant remember or wanna publish on net..haha..

Ok..So a brief for all ya..

LA 2009: Terasa was awesome..I mean..I am happy with everything that was performed that night..I am proud of everyone and especially my ASM and the crew..I am happy with everyone..At least now I can proudly say that I will be leaving you guys behind with good memories at least..My body will leave you guys but not my soul..Hahaa..I will alwaes ingat you people ok..

FYP was done..A hectic one...Too many things to be done..All rushed in 3 days..Now..Thats real work..haha..It was kinda last minute since I need to do double of everything..But then,at the end of it all when I gave DT,YinTong my cd of works,I can once again sigh with relieve..Another work done..But then again.Thats not the only part of the day..The having to say goodbye to the people in the lab that was the hardest..I tried savouring the whole atmosphere the 1 hour I had left after finishing my work.After 6,the phototaking session was fun and all but the moment I have to face my back to those people knowing that that will be the last of us..It was painful.This time none of us walk away..But we have to leave wach other due to own responsibilities and path of life..Enough said..Now I need a tissue coz I wanna cry..I miss S440 too much and the ppl and the DT and the laughter and the peace..

Attachment..Just 4th day today but I wanna cry already..It feels like batin ku diseksa! WTH! but ya...

Day out with family was damn well..I mean..It was really nice nice nice! hahaa..The time to spend with them was so perfect! hahaa..

So..ya..Thats basically how it was...Until then people..Smiles!